When I was about eight years old, one of my siblings was diagnosed with Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. 

It made sense. 

He was very hyper, never-ending energy.

He could hyperfocus on something like video games for hours on end.

He was incredibly intelligent but had some difficulty behaving in class at school. He wanted to be up and moving; sitting still in a chair for hours was tough.

He was just one of many boys at that time in the 1980’s who were being diagnosed with ADHD, or what was then called, ADD – Attention Deficit Disorder.

The clinical definition of ADHD has been through many iterations of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or “DSM”, from attention-deficit disorder (ADD) in 1980 to attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in 1987, and finally to attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (acronyn stayed ADHD) in 1994.

Doctors use this updated grammar to highlight that people with ADHD can have one of three subtypes, now called presentations. These include:

• Predominantly inattentive presentation. People with this form of ADHD struggle with things like organization, deadlines, and paying attention to conversations. 
• Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive presentation. People with this form of ADHD tend to talk a lot, interrupt others, make impulsive decisions, and struggle to sit still. 
• Combined presentation. People with this form of ADHD show signs of both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive presentations.

The brains of people with ADHD are structurally different. Because of these structural differences, children with ADHD have trouble focusing and behaving. Symptoms include, but are not limited to:

• Fidgeting or tapping hands and feet
• Talking too much
• Interrupting others
• Difficulty staying focused
• Difficulty completing tasks 
• Struggling with prioritization and time management
• Difficulty creating and maintaining relationships

That is what we know now about ADHD, and we have come a long way. 

The reason young boys in the 1980’s were disproportionately diagnosed, compared with girls at the time, is because the diagnostic criteria was largely focused on hyperactive and disruptive behaviours that boys exhibited and were thought to eventually “grow out of”.

We know better now.

Girls with ADHD often present with predominantly inattentive symptoms and they tend not to be as hyper or disruptive as their male counterparts.

People do not “grow out of” ADHD. 

The symptoms experienced may change and treatment and coping mechanisms may help manage symptoms.

There may even be periods of remission, but ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition, meaning it stems from differences in brain development and function… this is not something you can outgrow.

What that means is that if you experienced symptoms of ADHD as a child, you will likely continue to experience symptoms as an adult; although those adult symptoms can look very different from what you experienced as a child.

I was not diagnosed as a child, but I should have been.

Looking back on my report cards, teacher’s comments frequently included comments like:

• Talks too much during class
• Needs to work on staying focused
• Interrupts others when they are speaking
• Difficulty completing tasks

I was a highly intelligent child, so my parents and teachers just thought I was being an attention-seeking, disruptive kid in a bid to be the “class-clown”. 

But that wasn’t the case.

The truth is, I am actually incredibly introverted. 

I usually only really enjoy speaking with those I know well and am comfortable with… so what was really going on in class?

• I was bored; I just couldn’t stay focused
• I always had like 50 other thoughts running through my head
• I hated waiting for a person to finish their sentence when I already knew what they were going to say
• I loved the idea of starting something new, but hated the process of revision and editing and finishing the task

Essentially, I was a child navigating the world with undiagnosed ADHD. If you would like to know if you or your child have symptoms of ADHD for girls and women, sign up to the newsletter to become a member and get access to freebies like "10 Signs of ADHD in Girls and Women".

I can definitely think of examples where it manifested outside of the classroom as well.

I loved when my room was clean, but simply could not bring myself to clean my room. The task always felt so monumental that getting started was basically an impossibility. 

That behaviour lasted until my early 30’s if I am being completely honest.

When I was in University, I lived about 5 minutes from the laundromat. I would bring home my clean clothes and fold them immediately and put them away, right? Nope! 

After all the effort of dragging my loads to the laundromat and waiting the hours there to make sure no one stole it… I would then pile it into the bag, unfolded, bring it home and dump it onto the chair in my bedroom. 

I would intend on putting the clothes away, but I wouldn’t. Within a day or two, the mix of dirty and clean clothes would be in piles all over my bedroom floor again. 

And I hated it. I hated living like that, but I couldn’t bring myself to change.

In fact, when my aunt and uncle showed up to my house that same year of University to let me know my dad had suddenly passed away and that I would need to go home for about a week… I just walked around my bedroom in tears, picking up every piece of black clothing I could find on the floor… having no idea what was clean or dirty. 

That is a very obvious example, but there have been more subtle hints throughout my life as well.

For example, I have had tremendous difficulty maintaining friendships. 

Impulsivity and emotional regulation are tough for people with ADHD. This can easily lead to things that hurt friendships like:

• Mood swings or disproportionate emotional outbursts
• An extreme sensitivity to rejection / perceived rejection
• Difficulty picking up on social cues or engaging in conversation

While all those points are true for me, both as a child and as an adult, that last one really stands out.

I had a friend in University that was an extreme extrovert, a conversationalist like I had never seen before. He could talk to anyone, anywhere, about anything.

He amazed me.

I would observe as he would make small-talk with strangers on an elevator, or know exactly the right thing to say when someone was grieving… and wonder to myself “why can’t I do that?”

Another great example from that time in University is friends would often tell me I was rude to waitstaff in restaurants. 

That one confused me.

I always tried very hard to place my order in an organized way, make their life easy, and leave a nice tip.

The part I was missing was the smile, the social interaction, the inevitable small-talk joke that was part of the whole interaction. 

I just didn’t have it in me.

It was the same thing when I started my career just over 10 years ago.

When we would come together for a meeting, I would be prepared to jump in, get to work, get down to the nitty-gritty.

But everyone else around me wanted to chat, catch up on the weekend, find out how Johnny’s soccer game went and if Martha’s mom surgery was a success.

I didn’t even have the ability to remember those people’s names, nevermind  ask them about specific life events.

That has definitely hurt me in my career.

I have a very solid reputation as a great employee and coworker, but I have not been as successful on the social side.

I do have a handful of wonderful colleagues that I am happy to call friends, but most of these folks are people I trusted with my various diagnoses over the years, so they understand why I am the way I am.

In terms of going from a child to an adult, most of my ADHD symptoms persisted, but what was different was that I figured out some coping mechanisms along the way.

I was finally diagnosed 2 months ago, at age 43. 

You can read about that process and what treatments I am experimenting with to cope here.

During the ADHD diagnosis sessions with the therapist, I didn’t understand how without knowing I had ADHD or having any medication, why I was able to do some things better as an adult than as a child.

For example, I don’t mind cleaning anymore. 

I put my clothes away after the laundry is done; it never hits the floor.

I asked the therapist “Why is it that if we are attributing that behaviour to ADHD and it was such a challenge as a child, did it become so much easier in the past 10 years”?

The therapist then taught me something that changed my entire worldview.

In individuals with ADHD, the brain's frontal lobes, which are involved in executive functions such as planning, organization, impulse control, and working memory. continue to mature until around age 35, potentially leading to some lessening of symptoms over time!

AGE 35!!!

The frontal lobes of neurotypical people mature around the age of 25. That is a ten-year difference between those with and without ADHD!

Delayed maturation of this area can contribute to the difficulties that are characteristic of ADHD.

That makes sense right? 

You would expect that someone who was a messy child would be able to figure it out by age 25. 

You would expect that by age 25 (at least in most cases) you wouldn’t still be messy, disorganized, missing appointments, or forgetting to pay rent/bills.

But that just isn’t the way the ADHD brain works. 

It takes approximately 10 additional years for the ADHD brain to catch up!

The guilt and shame I felt over behaviours I had exhibited at a younger age where I should have “known better” by then, completely fell away.

It wasn’t my fault.

My brain wasn’t ready to tackle those executive functions.

And once it was, it started!

I did develop some coping strategies.

Life was better; but not perfect.

Even though my ADHD brain’s frontal lobes have “caught up”, there are still struggles in adulthood that made life challenging; especially without diagnosis and treatment.

To be honest, I used to be in the camp that a diagnosis wouldn’t change anything. 

I even had a talk with my chiropractor before my final diagnosis session and I told him I was feeling a little nervous about the diagnosis.

He asked me what I thought would change if I received an ADHD diagnosis? 

I thought about it and said “Nothing, I guess”.

But I was wrong. Very wrong.

You can read about my adult ADHD diagnosis and journey here.

I have to say that I have been happier in the two months since I was officially diagnosed and started treatment than any other time in my life.

No exaggeration.

I hope that if you have been struggling, or thinking you or someone you know might have ADHD that you seriously consider getting it checked out.

I promise you that the more you learn, the easier it will be to cope. Things that seemed impossible pre-treatment are now second-nature.

Your whole new life could be waiting for you, just one diagnosis and treatment plan away!

Feel free to reach out if you would like any further information.

Remember, you don’t need to be an expert to have an opinion.