I never wanted a kid. I never had that feeling people talk about where they get all emotional and gushy talking about what it will be like to look into their eyes or hold their little hand for the first time. Honestly, the closest I come to that feeling is with pets.

Seriously.

When I was 8, I told my mom that I didn’t want kids. She told me I would change my mind when I was older and “found the right one”. I told friends when I was in high school that I had no plans to get married or have kids. They echoed the sentiments of my mother and countless others who continued throughout my life to tell me “You will change your mind when you meet the right man”. I met the right man, but still didn’t want children. Lucky for me, he felt the same. Guess that is part of what makes him the right one!

Now, I will be transparent here and say that in 3rd year of university I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and told that conceiving would be nearly impossible; so perhaps that contributed to my opinion, but it certainly is not where the idea was seeded.

As a child of the 80’s, family was different than in generations before. My parents both worked while married and after the divorce. I was a “latchkey” kid that took several busses to get to school because there were no French immersion schools near me. I left early in the morning and got back home around dinner time, then it was homework (or little league if it was summertime), then maybe a little TV and bedtime. I don’t particularly remember a lot of happy family-time spent together on a regular basis. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my family and siblings and aunts and uncles and cousins… I just mean that outside of big family gatherings and celebrations, when it was just a regular day, I was mostly alone. I got used to being alone too.

Now, as I am older (43), I know for sure I made the right choice in choosing a childless existence. I have no doubt when people tell me that having a child was the best decision they ever made. I believe that for them. For me, I believe that if I am going to do something, I need to be in it 100%. Parenting, the whole full truth of what it takes to be a good parent, is not something I am prepared to invest in. I truly cherish my alone time. I adore being able to set my own schedule. I cannot stand the sounds of kids screaming… something the best parents seem to be able to block out without much effort.

Parents aren’t really allowed to say they feel they made a huge mistake by having kids, but I bet some of them feel that way. I just don’t think most people are up to really parenting… and that doesn’t just mean feeding, clothing, and keeping a roof over their head. That is really the bare minimum of existence. I mean true parenting. Teaching. Coaching. Being present. Asking them about their day and actually caring what they have to say. Ensuring they grow up to be decent, law-abiding, charitable citizens of the world. Allowing them to express themselves however they choose. Showing them what it means to receive unconditional love.

But no, so many folks nowadays are just busy on their phones while their kid plays at the park… more concerned with what the latest celebrity is wearing or what’s happening in the Kendrick/Drake rap feud. Fewer and fewer kids are playing organized sports and the rates of serious crime among youth have skyrocketed since the pandemic. Sometimes I wonder if for some people they only have children in order to have a mini-version of themselves to live vicariously through or because they have been told it is what you are “supposed to do”.

I think if more people were honest about their intentions and abilities in life and really thought about the weight of responsibility that parenting holds, that fewer folks would go down that path in the first place.

I for one am happy to just be an aunt and to love my nieces and nephews as much as I can. What do you think?



Remember, you don’t have to be an expert to have an opinion.