I know, it seems pretty straightforward. If you want to be happy, you need to be grateful. It isn't even that hard of a concept to grasp, but it is SUCH a hard concept to master... especially if gratitude doesn't come to you naturally.

I can honestly say that finally, at the age of 43 (soon to be 44), I am truly and completely happy. And no, my life isn’t perfect. I have a normal day job, nothing exciting. I live in a modest townhome with my partner and cat. I’m not rich or famous. And yet, I am happy. In fact, it is not in the perfect that I found happiness, but rather in the gratitude for the imperfect. You see, you can’t appreciate the good unless you have experienced the bad. Allow me to explain…

The past few years have been very challenging for me health-wise. This last year was just an absolute shitshow. In January I had COVID, and then in February I had bronchitis. That lead to a lung infection through March which only resolved in April after finally being treated with the correct antibiotics. And while I was finally able to breathe again, something wasn’t right. I started losing the ability to use my left arm. I was in constant pain from head to toe. I was unable to keep my blood sugar under control (diagnosed T2 Diabetes in 2018). I went to the walk-in clinic (I had just moved to the city and did not have a family doctor yet) and begged for help. I kept going back from April through June. We tried everything to figure out what was wrong. I did blood tests, urine tests, bacterial swabs, ultrasounds, X-rays, MRIs, etc. The only thing we were ever able to determine was I had very elevated inflammation and white blood cell counts. Over the course of May and June it got worse. I was unable to eat solid food and was sleeping up to 18 hours a day. My life revolved around the bed, the bathroom and the doctor’s office… that’s it. I missed celebrating my 10-year anniversary and my birthday. I missed nearly 10 weeks of work. My life was in shambles and although I had no intention on hurting myself, there were a few days where I thought to myself, “hey, if I don’t wake up this time, maybe that’s okay”. That is how much pain I was in. Eventually though, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and started treatment through the fall and winter. And just 4 weeks ago I was diagnosed with ADHD-C. Between those diagnoses and treatments I have finally started to heal.

I will write more about my diagnoses/treatments in other posts, but let’s get back to gratitude.

I am grateful that all of this happened to me because it brought me a whole new perspective, a more optimistic outlook and infinite gratitude for life… the good and the bad. It is only now that I am healing and getting better that I can appreciate no longer being in that pain. And not only am I getting back to “normal”, but I am also actually BETTER than I ever was. Had it not been for the unbearable pain, I probably would never have bothered to get my ADHD diagnosis (something that had been recommended to me for years). That diagnosis and treatment has completely changed my life. I am calmer, more focused, less reactive, and more positive. I am a better partner, colleague, and friend. It has been transformative.

So, the more I thought about this new approach to gratefulness that I was building, the more I wondered how far I could take it. I mean, it is easy to be grateful for the good stuff, right? For example, I am infinitely grateful for my aunt and uncle who throughout my life have taken me into their home and treated me as their daughter. They are my guardian angels and I think of nothing but love and gratitude when I think of them. Same can be said for my partner, Andrew and my cat, Mimi. Over this horrific health journey, they took excellent care of me day-in and day-out and I can think of at least 10 reasons daily to be grateful to have them in my life.

But what about the bad? How could I turn the bad in my life into something that makes me grateful and happy?

What came to mind was the death of my father at age 48, due to a severe and unexpected heart attack, just 16 years ago. He was my best friend, and his death devastated me. I was away at university, nearly 2 hours away at the time, and hadn’t seen him in months. When he called me that morning, I sort of pushed him off the phone because I was studying for an exam. It was the worst thing that I had experienced at that point in my life, and I never thought I would be able to find happiness in his passing, but I did. It occurred to me that I was WAY too dependent on him when he was alive. To be honest, if he was still alive, I would probably be living in his basement and asking him to help pay my bills. I didn’t do all the growing up I should have done when he was alive because I didn’t need to, he handled it. But over this past decade I really grew up. I had to. I am fiercely independent and capable because I had no other choice.

The bottom line is I am a better person today because he died. And let me be clear, I am not happy he passed away. Not at all. But I am able to find gratitude that his passing forced me to grow up. And I believe that I am a much happier person today than I would have been if I had stayed dependent and incapable. I found gratitude in the imperfect, I found the silver lining, I found the happiness.

It isn’t easy. It’s a skill. It has to be worked on and thought about and tested. What about you? Can you take the worst thing that ever happened to you and find the gratitude? Get screwed out of in inheritance? Not get the job promotion? Dumped at the alter? Can you find the happiness in those moments?

In my opinion, the only way to be truly happy is to endorse absolute unrelenting gratitude. Remember, you don’t have to be an expert to have an opinion.