You know how people always say things like... "you only have one mother" or "you'll be sorry if your grandpa passes and you didn't forgive him"... you know, stuff like that? Stuff to make you guilt yourself into putting up with the toxic bullshit from others?

Well I am here to share my unqualified opinion with you that NO you do not. In fact, you never have to speak to that person again! And you don't have to feel guilty about it either.  Think about it this way.. they don't feel guilty about treating you like garbage, so why should you feel like you owe them anything?

To be honest, I think we have built up this whole "blood is thicker than water" nonsense to a point that it's actually damaging to some. If your dad spent the first 15 years of your life beating you or your drunk aunt berated you incessantly... why do they deserve to continue having you in their life? You literally never have to speak to them again. Not if you don't want to. That is the beauty of being an adult. You get to make the choices that work best for you, for what makes you feel happy and healthy and safe. I would go so far as to say than anyone that disagrees with you and tries to convince you to talk to abusive/toxic folk because they are "family" should probably be cut off as well.

Now, I am not advocating for cutting everyone out of your life every time you have a dispute... that could become an awfully lonely world in very short order. So if your previously-abusive parent reaches out because they have worked on themselves and are changing and want you to be involved in their life, lucky you! As an adult, you get to choose whether or not to reconnect. And if you don't want to, or you aren't ready... that is perfectly okay too. No guilt here... just happy, healthy, safe adults.

And let me add to my opinion here by providing my personal interest in the matter. I do not have a ton of family, and even still there are those I refuse to engage with. I don't wish them any ill-will at all, I am just not interested in having them in life. That is what feels best to me. Is it sad to not have those traditional familial connections? Sometimes I suppose. But truthfully, we find surrogates. People who are probably better suited for the role of "family" anyways, which is why you chose them as a surrogate in the first place. Side bar: This reminds me of another one of my unqualified opinions (not everyone should have children or pets, in fact... most probably shouldn't), but that is for another post and another day!

But back to the matter at hand here. Not everyone is going to be okay with you cutting someone out; so you have to be okay with that too. I can tell you with 100% honesty that while difficult at first, the mental and emotional freedom when you break through that wall is totally worth it. We only get one shot at this life, and it goes by pretty quickly. I refuse to waste one single solitary second on toxicity when there is so much beauty to take in. I hope that if you are feeling guilty about a situation like this, that you are able to let go and find some peace and instead turn that energy towards something positive and loving!

Would love to hear your take on this topic! You don't need to be an expert to have an opinion :)